Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

I have found myself coming into contact with a lot of women complaining about their bodies and what they do or do not have. I watch shows on t.v. like "How to look good naked" or "How do I look?" that promote women to looking better on the inside and outside. I went to their websites and read some of the comments and to be truthfully honest, I felt sadness overtake me. Some women downright hated the way their body looked. They have husbands whom they will not take their clothes off in front of. Some refuse to look in the mirror because it is a source of self-hatred. Some women blame their kids because of the stretch marks or weight they have gained. I see real life women hiding their beauty underneath big clothes, frumpy frocks, outlandish makeup, or just slumped in depression. I noticed that a lot of women tend to focus on what is wrong with them instead of what is right with them.

We are women! We are supposed to be different! Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. Some of us are tall, some short. Some of us are thin, some big. Some of us are flat chested, big breasted to no butt or big butt. Some have long hair, short hair, blonde hair, black hair. We have small feet to big feet or a well toned body to a jell-o mold. Whatever you look like, embrace it. Love it. Dress it. Caress it. Cuddle it. Squeeze it. Hold it. Stop comparing yourself to other women or magazines. It is called airbrushing (technology to make flaws disappear only in print). You can get those improvements too if you were on the cover of a national magazine. Look at yourself in the mirror and smile. Show off! Tell yourself everyday that "Damn, I look good!" Hold your head up when you walk. Strut your stuff. Exude confidence in yourself to where others will take notice. What matters most is how you see yourself. It doesn't take a lot of money to build up your outer appearance. A few key pieces in your wardrobe and a new hair cut can make the world of difference. A crisp white shirt and some nice fitting black pants and shoes can make you look like a new woman. Watch and see how your attitude begins to change. When you look good, you feel good, and when you feel good, you do good.

Don't get me wrong, outer image is not all of the solution. Women have got to work on the inside as well as the outside. I just want women to know that you don't have to look broke even if you are broke. Don't dress that part and feel sorry for yourself. No pity parties allowed! Dress the part of knowing that God will come through. Dress the part of God's blessings in your life. Dress up like you know God is up to something. Dress for expectation. Dress for motivation. Dress for inspiration. Just Dress It!!!

Lyrics to "Work That" by Mary J Blige :

Work your thing out (out, out) [x4]

Cause so many you girls

I hear you been running

From the beautiful queen that you can be becommin

You can look in my palm and see the storm coming

Read the book of my life and see of overcomming

Just because the length of your hair ain't long

And they often criticize you for your skin tone

Wanna hold your head high cause you a pretty woman

Get your front way stride home and keep it going

Girl, live your life

I just wanna be myself

Don't sweat girl be yourself

Follow me, follow me, follow me

Girl be yourself

Guess what I'll be myself

(And I grew to love it)

(Work your thing out...)

Let em get mad

They're gonna hate any weight

Don't you get that

Doesn't matter if you go along with their plan

They'll never be happy

Cause they're not happy with themselves

(I am. work what you got...)

I'm talking about things that I know

(I am. work what you got...)

It's okay show yourself some love

(I am. work what you got...)

Don't worry about who's saying what

(It's gonna be fine work what you got)

Work what you got

Feeling great because the light's on me

Celebrating the things that everyone told me

Would never happen but

God has put his hands on me

And ain't a man alive could ever take it from me

Workin with what I got I gotta

Keep on taking care of myself

I wanna live long

Ain't never ashamed what life did to me

Wasn't afraid to change

Cause it was good for me

I wanna

(I just wanna be myself)

I just wanna be

(don't sweat girl be yourself)

Don't sweat girl

(Follow me, follow me, follow me I be myself)

Follow me follow me

(Guess what I'll be myself)

(And I grew to love it)

(Work your thing out)

Let em get mad

They gonna hate any weight

Don't you get that

Doesn't matter if you go along with their plan

They'll never be happy

Cause their not happy with themselves

(I am. work what you got...)

I'm talking about things that I know

(I am. work what you got...)

It's okay show yourself some love

(I am. Work what you got)

Don't worry about who's saying what

(It's gonna be fine work what you got)

Work what you got

(Work that, work that, work that, don't' hold back just be yourself)

Work that work that

Work that work that don't hold back

Oooh Work you head girl(work you thing out)

Work that job girl

Work what you got

(I am. work what you got...)

I'm talking about things that I know

(I am. work what you got...)

It's okay show yourself some love

(I am. Work what you got)

Don't worry about who's saying what

(It's gonna be fine work what you got)

Work what you got

(work that work that work that don't hold back just be yourself)

Work it out work it out ladies

Work that work that

Work that work that don't hold back

(Work your thing out)

Oooh Work what you got

High Maintenance vs. Vanity

I recently posed this question to some of my friends & family regarding high maintenance vs. vanity; what is the difference? I just wanted to know their opinions. I have been called high maintenance several times and there is no doubt about it; I am. First, let me give you the Webster's dictionary definition of both. High maintenance is not defined in Webster's but when I looked up high maintenance as a whole word it brought me to high mindedness which is elevated principles and feelings. Then I decided to break down high maintenance. High can mean a lot of things depending on how you use it but relating to what I am talking about; rich in quality, exalted in character, of greater degree, amount, cost, value, or content than average, usual, or expected, etc. Maintenance is defined as the upkeep of property or equipment. Vanity is inflated pride in oneself or one's appearance.

Here are some of the comments I received from my friends regarding the difference between the two:

• High maintenance is an accomplished standard or level that is reached and maintained with the expectation of excellence in all things.


• High Maintenance is just the fact that you like nice things, very very expensive things; and expects them from others. You don’t appreciate what someone buys you if it is not up to par with what you would buy for yourself. But at the same time you will help others if need be. In other words it’s not all about you but you like and won’t except anything but the best


• Vanity, in my opinion, is where you are stuck on yourself for no apparent reason. Thinking you are superior to others without any credentials.


• Vanity - Excessive pride in one's appearance, qualities, abilities, achievements, etc.; character or quality of
  being vain; conceit:

So when someone calls me high maintenance I am definitely owning up to the definition of one who enjoys rich quality and I am especially interested in my daily upkeep and I do have elevated principles and feelings. So is there anything wrong with that? I don't think so. Just because I like the finer things in life and expect the finer things in life doesn't mean that I am better than anyone else. As women of God, we all should expect God's favor on our life and expect to be treated with a matter of respect. High maintenance is just a greater hope of things to come, almost like faith. Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. So if we don't anticipate anything good to come into our lives then where does that leave us? Just hopelessly caught up in a rut not believing for anything superior to happen to us. No, that is not what God wants us to do. He wants us to look forward to the goodness that He is giving us and be grateful for what He has already done and what He is going to do. He wants us to be elevated in our thinking and doing for His greater purpose. So, is high maintenance really that bad or has it been given a bad name?

Vanity is just the opposite of high maintenance in my opinion. As stated above, it is being stuck on yourself or having inflated pride. Vanity is the result of your own desire. Vanity is choosing to focus on yourself rather than focus on many of God's great gifts. Yes it is true that the beauty that each one of us has is one of God's gifts but it is all in how you use it. God's gifts to us are more than just a pretty face and body. He has adorned us with His image, love, and to be enveloped in all His glory is a gift in itself. Being vain will only cause women to miss out on the presence of God by concentrating on things that will come to an end one day. Vanity robs you of portraying the spirit of God while helping others get to the kingdom. The bible mentions many beautiful women who we can admire because of their appearance but their beauty is complimenting their inner spirit that shows God's love. Remember that it is not about the outer beauty but how the inner beauty reflects God's love, grace, and mercy. It is God's spirit that we want to personify and teach others to dwell in. So, do you know a person who is vain or are they just hiding their insecurities?

1 Peter 3:3-4 "Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God."

The Image Is In The Heart

As I continue to talk about women and image, I came upon what the word says about our creation in His image means and what the world's definition of image as it relates to beauty. Of course we know that in Genesis 1:27 that we are created in His image but not in the way many believe. It is not about the clothes with labels that we admire or the jewels that adorn our body but God's image of us; love.

Yes, we are beautiful in our own right because He made us unique, but there are so many standards that have been set up to make us think that we are never good enough until we break down and give into the world's lies. This type of image has been seen in damaging results such as anorexia, bulimia, and unnecessary plastic surgery. Some women have tortured their God given bodies in order to "fit in". I have seen many proclaim that if I don't have a figure 8 body or the perfect nose then I am not pretty according to society's image. God has never put an affirmation in His word saying that if you don't have those six pack abs or those killer legs that I will not bless you. Ladies, please be aware that God is not concerned with those things. In 1 Peter 3:3-4; He tells us that beauty should not come from outward adornment but it should come from your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth. See, this is His definition of beauty which is discussed in the spiritual realm of things. We as women need to be assured of God's image for us, love, and how we can reciprocate that image into the world to bring about salvation.

So ladies if you really want to have a sense of great self image, reclaim the fact that beauty is not on the outside, even though you should know without the shadow of a doubt that you are lovely, but on the inside in your hearts where your actions relay the message of self love. Don't ever allow anyone to define what your beauty is. Tune out those negative voices of what humanity says is wrong with you in their eyes and tune in to those positive images of yourself clothed in God's love. You are created in His image with all the love, compassion, kindness, and humility as Christ has so don't let the demonic state of beauty tear you apart. Look in the mirror every morning and say "I am divinely and uniquely beautiful and no devil in hell or person of the world can justify my identity." Women you are just that loved by God and your heart should overflow with the love of God to everyone who is around you or has any contact with you. Love yourself just the way you are and truly own up to having a relationship with God and be renewed in His image.

Just Fine!

Watching t.v. and looking at magazines today sometimes displays a very unrealistic portrait of woman. We see beautifully sculpted bodies, flawless skin, flowing hair, etc. When we look at these images of women, we tend to compare ourselves and start feeling depressed when we don't have her eyes or her hair or her body. We only see the after but if we could see the before, we would think twice. We all have things that we would like to change or make better, but we shouldn't feel that our bodies are not up to par based on what we "think" we see. Yes, we have heard of air brushing and photo enhancements but that image we see today is being instilled into the very young lives of little girls who don't have a true sense of self. This is and can be damaging in the long run. So in order to appreciate what God is doing for your inner strength, you have to be grateful for your outer beauty.

When referring to our body insecurities as "flaws" what are we really saying and are these insecurities really "flaws" or society's opinion of what we should look like?

Well I want to talk about women and loving yourself, outside the self imposed image that is embedded in our minds. First we must realize where we come from and why we were created. We all know that God put Adam into a deep sleep, took out one of his ribs, closed him up and created another life: woman (Genesis 2:21-23). Now we were made to be suitable helpers. Helpers in the sense of a function not your worth. God created us as a trusted friend, a wife, and a confidante. This is our role. It is a celebration to be created with the expectation of encourager, supporter, and an empowered soul. We are God's strong tower for man. So don't lose yourself in man thinking you are inferior. You are a representation of humanity, you bring life and you nurture life. You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14) and no other human being can take that away or lessen what God has made greater. You are a jewel worthy of greatness. Don't become entangled in this world's deception of your beauty. Instead focus on what God says about you, where you come from, and why you have come. You are a magnificent creation, inside as well as outside, destined to be the crowning glory of man. Rejoice in the thickness of your thighs, the way your butt looks in those jeans, the pout of your lips, the stature of your body.... it is you!

Walk around your house naked, in front of mirrors, and accept all that God has made you to be. Lift your heads up high and walk in boldness just as you are, a gorgeous woman who loves herself just as she is.

Mary J. Blige - Just Fine

So I like what I see when I’m looking at me

When I’m walking past the mirror

No stress through the night, at a time in my life

Ain’t worried about if you feel it

Got my head on straight, I got my mind right

I aint gonna let you kill it

You see I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just….. fine!